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The Issue with Taking the Husband’s Last Name
For the past couple years I have continually see a lot of conversations on social media from many women about taking the man’s last name upon marriage. They either question the tradition of, or outright lash out against it. Phrases I see most frequently are “why can’t/doesn’t the man take the woman’s last name?”. Or “taking the man’s last name denotes the husband’s ownership of the wife”. Or “this tradition removes the woman’s individuality or identity”.
The Problem with History
Some refer to the historical fact that taking the husband’s surname started way back in the Middle Ages of England with the doctrine of “coverture”. It states that in marriage, the husband and wife are one. Therefore,
“the being or legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated and consolidated into that of the husband: under whose wing, protection, and cover, she performs every thing.”
In all practicality, this played out that women had no legal rights or ability to own property. In doing my research about the origins of taking the husband’s surname, I discovered that in legal context it meant the woman was property of the husband. And the marriage union of “two shall become one” was indeed represented by the husband only, and he alone had legal rights and acted on behalf of “the one”.
Good Beginning…
What I discovered fascinated me about the history of this subject. The law of coverture wasn’t always the case and took a long time to make a foothold! In fact the Anglo-Saxon culture had equal legal status for men and women. Women could not only own property, they often kept ownership of it separately or owned it jointly when married.
Surnames took a while to come about. And when they did, there was no rule about who had to take whose name. Most of the time, the husband and wife combined last names, or the wife would take his, or the husband would take hers. When children came along their surname was usually a combination of the two. It was pretty interchangeable. In many cases they each kept their own surname and the children carried a combination of the two.
Bad Ending…
It wasn’t until the Norman invasion and takeover that they brought with them the coverture doctrine and oppression of women. Old habits die hard however. So it wasn’t until the 1500’s to 1600’s that saw the complete and total implementation of this law. And women had absolutely no legal rights and freedoms at all. Of course, the English settlers took that over to America, where it continued to be a tradition.
As we all know, it wasn’t until the Women’s Civil Rights Movement that women regained their full individual legal rights and status. I personally believe that was a very good thing and it should have been that way all along.
My Reaction
I will be completely honest here. My research into the origins of women taking the husband’s last name offensively disturbed me. If I were a feminist, and that was all I knew as reference for the reason and significance of taking the man’s surname, I would be just as upset as they. However, I am not a feminist though. Even as I was appalled by the origins, I remained unmoved in my support of and belief in the rightness and appropriateness of taking the husband’s surname.
I realized that regardless of the oppressive history behind the legal tradition, I never believed in doing it because I agreed with or liked it’s origins anyway. Granted, it would be nice if its establishment was less distasteful and backwards.
There is a reason I always sided with Robin Hood and the Saxons, and their strong dislike of the the Normans! Yet it’s history doesn’t faze me. And it’s because the foundation of my belief in taking my husband’s name is grounded in the Bible. Specifically, biblical covenants. Every time I ponder the significance of taking my man’s name in relation to making a covenant, it becomes beautiful and meaningful.
The Solution of the Biblical “Blood” Covenant
In the Old Testament
The biblical blood covenant involved 9 things. The exchange of coats or robes, and belts. Cutting the covenant: killing and splitting in half of an animal and walking between the halves. Shedding and mingling of blood: usually by raising and slicing the right palms and clasping them together. Exchanging names. Giving terms of the covenant. Eating a memorial meal. And planting a memorial tree.
In scripture, when God made his covenant with Abram, He cut the covenant and changed Abram’s name. He inserted a part of His name YAHWEH. So Abram’s name became AbrAHam. He did the same thing with Jacob, changing his name from being associated with his deceit, to IsraEL. El meaning God.
In the New Testament
Regarding marriage’s unique covenant, the consummation of it was a significant part of the covenant making. The first breaking of the hymen and consequent shedding of blood from that finalized and sealed the marriage covenant between the husband and wife. Also, as far as name exchange goes, when God officiated the very first marriage, Adam gave Eve her name.
Under the New Covenant, marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. And, wonder of wonders! We, the bride of Christ, are known by His name, and we are called Christians (Christ’s ones). And thinking biblically, as marriage being a covenant, is it not fitting that we have some aspects of a blood covenant already? Giving of terms (in the exchange of vows), eating a memorial meal (the wedding reception), and the shedding of blood (by the breaking of the hymen during consummation).
How much more fitting is it then that we have yet another element of the marriage covenant, in that we women, as the brides, take our husbands’ last name, like Eve took the name that Adam gave her. And we are known by our husband’s surname, as the Church is known by the name of Christ, the Groom.
Conclusion to Taking the Husband’s Last Name
Therein lies the significance, meaning, beauty, and absolute rightness of taking your husband’s last name. The same place that every good, right, and beautiful thing finds it’s significance and meaning. In God, His glory, and His marvelous ways. That ladies, is the answer to the question “why should I take my husband’s last name and be proud to carry it?” I hope that if you ever ran across that subject or was even confronted about it by a feminist (like I have been personally) that this helps. Isn’t it amazing?
Works Cited
Anthony, D. J. (2016). To Have, to Hold, and to Vanquish:Property and Inheritance in the History of Marriage and Surnames. British Journal of American Legal Studies, 220-238. doi:10.1515/bjals-2016-0007
For more posts on the topics of faith and family, visit my pages at https://www.thoughtspirations.com/faith/ and https://www.thoughtspirations.com/family/.
If you want to read more on the history of taking the husband’s last name, click here to read the cited article in its entirety.
