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I was struggling with something that had been eating it’s way deeper and deeper into my heart. As this struggle is what we all go through in our own way, I would like to share the thoughts I wrote after my circle back to love. After being confronted with the truth. I laid my heart out in the open and was honest to myself in these words. I hope they speak to you all in a deep way as you journey on.
Prose of the Circle Back to Love
Anger, fear, attitude, resentment, and doubt are all in opposition of love. Anger is the manifestation of fear and doubt. If we are afraid of things beyond our control or doubt the infinite goodness of God, then we become angry at people, at circumstances, at things beyond our scope of reality. Anger leads to resentment and we take out our fear and doubt on others who may only be a minuscule piece of our circumstance. We take it out on them in the form of an attitude. An attitude of disrespect, which no one deserves. We begin to create our own twisted expectations of what they should be, and should do; expectations so high, so selfish, they are utterly insensible in their origin. When they don’t meet these expectations, we have someone to blame for our attitude; a scapegoat, if you will, for our continued, miserable wandering off the way of peace. Our fixation of self-pity continues as we make excuses for our troublesome responses to life. We sink further into the quagmire of loathsome feelings inspired by our original reaction to a circumstance. Anyone who comes near to expose our festering wound is met with contempt as we try to make their truth seem foolish and ill-advised. But we become tired of our own condition and attempt to solve our issues while still holding on with every fiber, the faulty and erroneous excuses that hold up the dam that keeps the truth and the pain from spilling into our consciousness. But then someone breaches the defenses and pokes at that foul wound till we want to scream in agony. But their is no healing without pain, so we resign our faux ideals to the trash heap and let the dam break. As reality shreds the last bit of falsehood, it bares our souls to the point that started it all. Doubt. We doubt His consistent goodness. We doubt His everlasting love, as if every promise from His Word is not enough. We cry in anger if God doesn’t feel near. We rage to the heavens if we hear only silence when we pray, or fear He isn’t listening. We are really blaming Him for our failures. And demand Him to tell us why we fall, why we struggle. We think Him unfair, that what He has asked us to do is impossible. And yet all the while He is asking us to trust Him. Yet we are afraid. Afraid to believe He hears when we don’t feel Him as we pray. Afraid that the silence isn’t really silence. But we just can’t hear because we aren’t listening. Afraid that God really isn’t unfair, that His expectations aren’t insurmountable; but we have just been trying to do it all alone. Afraid to trust. To hope. To love. But God has finally shattered the tiny, little box that held everything you said was possible. And in the silence He is leading you where your trust in Him is without borders and your heart says to your Lord, “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander; let me walk upon the water wherever you would call me.” And your faith is made stronger in the place that you had been terrified to go all along: in the presence of your Savior. But fear has lost to the only thing that can cast it to the farthest reaches of the universe. Perfect love. All else is gone, fled from the power of trust. Of faith. Hope. And your return to Love Himself.
For more articles on the topic of faith, visit my page at https://www.thoughtspirations.com/faith/.
Click here to read more about the importance of forgiveness and giving grudges to God as you circle back to love.
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1 Timothy 6:18
